Archive for the ‘Why I'm Not Cool’ Category

7 Characters who Never get Their Due

Luigi

Mario’s skinny often overlooked brother. Everyone kind of looks at Luigi as the sidekick, and I don’t understand why. In the cartoon we realize that it was Mario’s fault they ended up in mushroom land in the first place. Had they listened to Luigi they would have stayed in new york delighting family and friends with their subpar plumbing skills and knack for finding illusive pipes that lead to magical kingdoms.

 

Using my keen understanding of math and physics I calculated that had they only waited another four months they would have found the pipe that lead to the Magical Kingdom of STD free bikini models. It’s wonderful place where not only do all the women constantly groom each other in a erotic fashion but they also remember to take their birth control pills! Hurray!

 

Plus does anyone know what happend to Mario and Luigi’s mother? Well after they spent all that time in the Mushroom Kingdom their mother was abducted by a Philipino Mobster known as Marcello “Small Dick” Santos and she know works as a prostitute in New Jersey!

Brian Fantana 

The official lady killer of Anchorman known also as “The Bri-Man”. The stylish one of the group, with penache for Sex Panther cologne. He didn’t get with one chick the entire movie! I found that kind of frustrating considering all the purely macho things he did in that ninety minute epic.

 

1) Called a panda jerk. All women should be impressed by men taunting animals at zoo’s.

2) Played with a gun. Obviously showing women around him . . . “hey I enjoy fire arms”

3) Had a moustache. You know who else had a moustache? Jesus . . . for the record Jesus also had a beard.

4) Said, “I am very aroused.” Uh hello ladies he is aroused, it is your duty to please him. Need I refer to the panda incident again?

John Redcorn

 

Here is a guy who to me embodies the first nation. He’s humble, smart, and is surrounded by a bunch of stupid white people. The character is kind of a metaphor for what it must have been like for the average Native person about three hundred years ago. Minus them hunting him for sport and giving him blankets infected with disease.

 

He has a son that doesn’t know he’s his father. The woman he has been having a relationship with for years is married to the archtypical American right wing nut job. He dominates every sports team in town, and even runs a homeopathic medical clinic with aroma therapy and massage therapy. Yet he still lives in a trailer on the outskirts of town.

Robin

Alright, if you fight crime for a living then there is no excuse for people making fun of you. Think about it, does anyone make fun of Batman? No. Ya know why? Because we all know that he’d beat the piss out of us.

 

Yet no one seems so concerned about Robin. Why? I dunno he’s out there kicking just as much ass, and while Bruce Wayne sits around getting rashes from various models Robin is at Gotham University improving his vocabulary and masturbating into a sock.

 

The only reason people make fun of Robin is because of how he dresses. He wears green booty shorts. I’ll admit that’s kind of odd, but if I saw someone swinging across the city from one skyscraper to the other I wouldn’t be mocking his fashion choices especially when he lands on top of a building and throws down with a bunch of gun toting criminals.

 

If George Washington wore green booty shorts wouldn’t he still be a hero of the revolutionary war? OK Maybe not.

Skeletor

 

Now Skeletor is a victim of his own undoing. He is always painted as this horrific being of evil, but the last episode I watched his evil plan was to disrupt King Randor’s birthday party. For those who aren’t aware who King Randor is, he’s He-Man’s dad. Now if I wanted to be feared and respected by all those in community of super villainy I wouldn’t be scheming ways to create a lethal version of pin the tail on the donkey. See Skeletor is over looked because he just sets the bar too low, and his ego allows him to think that his meanial schemes will eventually turn into horrific ordeals for those involved. I would maybe use my Havok Staff to blow up a school, or maybe hire better goons to do my bidding.

 

That’s another thing, he has the most retarded group of sidekicks around. There’s Merman, who can swim, Beastman who can control animals (what good is a bear gonna do against a tank stupid!), Evil Lynn whop is just a B-List sorceress, Triclops who has different shaped eyes, and not much else, and then my personal favourite . . . Trapjaw who interestingly enough has a mechanical arm that has a few different attatchments such as a grappling hook and even a cross bow!

 

Oh No! Trap jaw has a winch, he’s pulling a car out of a ditch! Run for your lives! Hey Skeletor maybe next time hire a guy with gun you moron!

The Predator 

Now most people don’t overlook the predator, he is after all a nine foot tall alien with dreds who uses a lazer to blow your chest apart and then rips your spine and skull for a keepsake to remember you by. But it’s kind of sad to think that after he flew across the Galaxy in his spaceship he was killed when a log fell on his head. OK I know he didn’t die until he blew himself up, but a log fell on his head! A log! They’re meant for rolling down stairs, alone or in pairs!

 

We also cannot ignore the fact a guy covered in mud taunted him for a day or two prior to the infamous log incident. Imagine telling that to your space commander. “Uh yeah, so I had my infared imager all geared up and ready to go, plus my auto homing lazer cannon, but then wouldn’t ya know, he found some mud and all hell broke loose.”

Samwise Gamgee

Now I’m a pretty adventurous guy. One time I order TWO teenburgers just because I wanted to see how much salmonella I could take in one sitting. I know, I had bowell problems for three days! Now as amazing as that sounds what if you went on a quest with your boss to destroy a magic ring in a volcano. It gets worse that volcano is in the middle of a desert that’s eternally covered in darkness and crawling with orcs and trolls and other such not nice monsters.

 

I know the odds of you having to deal with orcs is pretty slim so let’s just pretend their drunk frat boy losers with popped collars. They are kind of orcish, they always wanna fight people for acusing them of homosexuality, people don’t know that the reason orcs hate elves is that they think elves are gay. Plus, they’re basically an inferior version of your average human, just like orcs are a corrupted race of elves!

 

Anyways, so you go on this mythic quest and you basically save the entire planet. However then they make a movie of your adventure, they cast Rudy! Plus he spends more time spouting off cheesy homoerotic dialogue than he does . . . well not being overly femenine. Poor guy.

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Old Man Junk

I think it’s fairly obvious that as we get older we change. Our whole outlook on life changes. Where once you had fine perky ears that seemed to recall and era where men hunted the forests and plains seeking food for their families and fur for warmth, eventually you will have saggy gross bulges of cartilagde that are hair. Seriously old men have more hair in their ears than Magnum PI did on his chest.

The one thing I’m actually looking forward to about getting old is about being able to complain about everything. See, when you’re old and you complain, people just go, “Well he is really old.”

But when you’re young and complain about things you’re either called a whiner or a dick.

Still there’s one thing about old men that really perplexes me. Nudity. Old men seem to like being naked. Everytime I go to the gym (Club Fit South) there is a naked old man in the change room. ALWAYS!

It’s not always the same guy, however that would be kind of cool.  But really, there’s always a naked old man just sitting on a bench perpetually putting on socks. I mean really who puts socks on BEFORE their underwear? Not this guy I’m a ginch first kind of guy!

The other day I came into the change room and two old dudes were standing there naked having a conversation. I don’t know what they were talking about. I was just kind of shocked about it, but I moved along and averted my eyes. Old man pubes seem to grow up to their navel.

I went to my locker and got ready to get a shower. I turned back and they were still there talking. Is this normal? Am I on the outside here looking in . . . at naked old men?

I am labia-less so I don’t ever hang out in the women’s change room and I don’t think I want to. I would like to think that there aren’t a bunch of naked old women with their basset hound breasts loafing about talking about how cute their grandchildren are. Yuck. That’s really all I have to say.

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Staplers Are Versatile - 10 Alternative Uses for Staplers

The stapler is a noble invention. Worthy of much more than merely adhereing two pages together. That’s why one day I realized that if only I could find a way to show everyone how versatile the stapler is then truly humanity would stand a much better chance of surviving our impending doom.

Remember these tips on alternative stapler use aren’t for the faint of heart so if at anytime you find yourself short of breath, turn off your computer and draw yourself a nice soothing bath. Maybe a snack could help so feel free to bringa toaster into the bath with you and make some toast.

By the way if you’re stupid enough to actually do that you probably shouldn’t be alive anyway. Your poor combination of genes is doing nothing but hastening armageddon.

So here for the benefit of humanity I present the greats list of ten alternative uses for staplers.

10. Birth Control

Did you know that with a few short and quick thrusts you can easily stape a vagina closed and thereby halt any and all sexual activity? Think of it was a modern day alternative of a chastity belt.

If I whipped off some girls pants and saw a bunch of staples down there I wouldn’t wanna sleep with her anyways, what kind of weirdo staples their vagina?

9. Time Travel

In the directors cut of back to the future Doc Brown actually admits to stealing a staplers from Iranian Terrorists and that’s why he was being chased. Iranian Staples are known for their supernatural properties. Which he took full advantage of in his time traveling ass car.

I sometimes eat Iranian Staples and listen to Pink Floyd. Very intense stuff.

8. Surfing

 If enough staplers are stapled together it’s very easy to make your own super bad ass surf board. Imagine all the hot babes you’d get with a “boss ride” like that.

Maybe if you showed off enough of your “swingline” style you could land your own reality show where you make out with dumb American girls and then act all emotional.

7. Fighting Ninjas

Ever seen a ninja beat up a dude with a stapler? No. There’s a reason for that. Ninjas have an inate fear of staples. I saw it on a documentary called, “Shinobi: Inside the Game”

While researching for the movie the games creators discovered ancient texts where ninjas were once used as slaves in offices. They have always resented their past and are terrified of staplers.

They also discovered that being good at video games seldom gets you laid.

6. Picking Up Babes

We all know that a sweet stapler will get you the hot chicks. Seriously Bill gates has a pimpin swingline and he bags many hos. He is also the richest man on the planet, and that always helps . . . with getting pimped staplers.

5. Fixing Your Car

The other day a friend of mine was fixing their car and instead of using a wrench to tighten some bolts he used a stapler. Seriously, I am not making this up.

I didn’t know this but ever single part of a Ford Model T was designed to be fixed with a Stapler. Apparently Henry Ford was a big fan of staple technology and based the Model T of his favourite brand. Need proof:

now look at the stapler:

I believe I made my point.

4. Animal Feed

Right now we’re always dealing with problems when it comes to the quality of the food we eat. If cows were fed staples I’m pretty sure that whole “Mad Cow” thing would die off. Not to mention Bird flu?

 When’s the last time you heard of a chicken full of staples getting bird flu? Exactly.

3. Medicine

Last week I had a horrible cold. I was sick and gross. My nose was dripping like the penis of anyone who’s had sex with Paris Hilton. In fact I was so sick I had to call in sick for work.

The thing was I wasn’t eating enough staples. I even talked to my doctor, and you know what she said? Get some rest. Of course I was so sick and out of it I assumed she meant sleep.

But now that I think about it I realize she meant Rest Brand staples. Man I’m such a moron!

2. Toys for Children

Little kids are all kind of stupid. I mean have you seen the crap they play with? Basically the only thing you’d need to do to a stapler to amke it appeal to children is tell them it’s from Japan and has a cartoon the will give them a seizure.

So I gues a little change we could do to properly market them is call them Staplernoruchizen. You no just take the word Stapler and add a bunch of letters to the end.

1. Dildo

I actually saw this once. And they were using a heavy duty stapler too. It was gross. I can just imagine the kind of woman who would use this.

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Whyte Ave is Full of Assclowns

I don’t go to Whyte ave. Well I do during the day if I’m going to dadeo’s or something like that. But unless I’m going for work I won’t go at night. Why? I have an alergic reaction to douchebags. When I’m near a douchebag my immune system causes me to become rather irate. I get annoyed and find it difficult not to urinate on their shoes.

Behaviour like this isn’t good, cause it can:

a) get your ass kicked

b) make a mess and get on your own shoes

c) get you a ticket from the cops for indecent exposure

The other night one of my friends had an altercation on Whyte Ave in a bar witha major douche. I won’t mention what bar it is cause we do a lot of business there through the radio station, but what I will mention is how important bar security is and how brutal the security there is.

My buddy Deener saw a girl on the verge of being raped in the middle of the bar. The guy was dragging her off into the corner and trying to do who knows what to her. Bear in mind this is INSIDE the bar and there is no security anyhwere. So Deener steps in and drags the girl away. Fortunatly the guy didn’t freak out off the bat and shank anyone, but don’t worry. We’ll get to people bringing knives into the bar later on.

The night moved on and this guy (who by the way was wearing a wolf shirt . . . yes a shirt with a wolf on it) came over to Deener and the group she was with and started trying to fight everyone. You know the guy, he didn’t get laid and so now he’s bent on trying to fight every person in the bar so that everyone else can feel as annoyed as he does.

Fortunately none of the poeple with my dear buddy Deener are prone to fisticuffs. They use an ancient technique known as “talking” to solve their problems. In fact “talking your problems over” as the habbit is known is a great way of solving conflicts without hurting each other, you might remember this from when you were a child and you did something wrong. Remember how your dad didn’t punch you in the face when you didn’t know how to tie your shoe? See that’s because punching you in the fact wouoldn’t have helped the situation.

However in some sort of strange way this guy felt that fighting a bunch of people trying to have a good night would increase his odds of getting his penis inside of a vagina.  I really don’t see the logic train on this one, but who needs logic when you’re high on blow and wanting to punch someone?

So no one wanted to fight the guy, and you’d think everything was gonna be peachy keen, however that’s just not the case. Ya see in outer space two objects will naturally attract themselves to each other. Assholes in a bar are no different. They tend to attarct other assholes. This time it happened to be a lovely gentleman with a knife. It’s not enough that he snuck a knife into the bar. But he felt the need to declare it Deener and her friends, then ask one of them if they, “wanted to die”.

Yeah he threatened to stab them. Since he was extra tough he grabbed the smallest guy in the group by the throat and tried to drag him out to the dance floor to insert c’est knife into his stomach.  Fortunately the group opted to grab their friend and leave.

At this point the guy with the knife, or as we shall call him from now on “Captain Stabby” decided to follow them to the coatcheck. Ya see he stood there just waiting for them to leave so he could take his desire to proove how macho he was outside.

Now you would think at one point in all this security would have gotten involved and doen something, but that’s just not the case. Nothing was done. So Deener and company just went to the car so they could just go home, having had their evening ruined by a guy who probably didn’t eat enough vegetables as a child. However when they got to the car they realized they were one short. Namely the wee-est member of the group who was almost drug onto the dancefloor and stabbed.

Naturally there was a bit of tension in the car until they saw him running towards the car. The door was opend and he said, “let’s get the fuck out of here.”

It turned out captain Stabby had followed him outside and began chasing him with his knife. This was happening ON Whyte Ave. The guy schased him into an alley with his knife in hand. Fortunatley our wee friend was fleet of foot and able to get away and criss cross through various alleys until he found his way back to the car.

See I stay away from Whyte becasue of stories like these. Stories that you won’t see in the newspaper. Stories that happen every single night on Whyte ave. Fortunately for me I don’t have to worry about Saturdays cause I’m always at Union Hall. I work there on Saturdays, and stuff like this never happens there. I’ve been working there for three years and the  worst thing I’ve ever seen was a woman who looked pregnant in the wet t.

So if you want to avoid getting shanked by a douchbag on Whyte come to 99th and Argyle.

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The Gladiator in my Brain

Last night marked the return of the greatest television sensation since the invention of theremote control! American Gladiators!

 

Sure the show was marred by the injury of the guy who once starred in gay porn, but whats better than watching a small be-spectacled man get punched in the face by a seven foot tall goliath that claims to be human? 

Well, maybe this picture.

It is the greatest image your eyes will ever behold. Do not argue. It’s science.

The woman and I snuggled up on the couch like the average elderly Albertan couple do, when Ralph Klein will be featured on the news. Only we weren’t hoping to see someone take rights away from gay people, we were hoping to see overly-straight men pretend not to be gay!

It’s kind of like watching professional hockey players snuggle, only with less STDs.

So the show starts out with hulk Hogan rising from a hole in the ground with lights and smoke everywhere, I felt as though I was watching the earth give birth to a well tanned baby with a skullet, and the hugest arm veins in history. Yes, let me assure you it was awe-inspiring. If Botticelli were alive today he would have painted hulk hogan on a seashell, not that skank venus.

I try not compare myself to people. Especially not Hulk Hogan, cause that guy rules! To be honest, I bet is ex-wife would argue that. I’m sure she has a point, but when I was a kid I had the Hulk Hogan work out set, and I listned to his tape that came with it every single day when I did my faggy little work out routine in my room. (I was usually sent to my room for being a mouthy kid, and would try to excersize so I’d get strong and . . . come to think of it I just figured being strong would just help me get away with stuff . . . maybe I was just being sent to my room for being a moron)

That tape used to tell you to listen to your parents, always be nice to people, and always remember “the big brother upstairs” was always watching you, so be a good person. You can’t argue with that,  I mean that guy even said not eat junk food. He instilled me with a love of fine cuisine! 

 But as I watched the Hulk I really began to feel as though I’d let the Hulkster down. I’ve allowed myself to become weak and flabby like a latter day Brother Love. 

It is therefore my pleasure to announce I shall hit “le Gym”. (French for “the gym) I shall keep you updated on my progress. Or as I call it, “my decent into humanity”!

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If I had a Vagina

I have realized that girls are all retarded and don’t know how to pick a guy to “go steady” with. That’s why after much thought I composed a list of all the dudes that I’d let bruise my cervix, if I had one.

Special Mention 2: Boba Fett

I would have put this guy in the top ten but I already had two people from Star Wars, and I would have even put Lando in here too, but Boba edged him out by being more bad ass. I mean Have you seen this guy in action? The guy was the basis for the entire Grand Army of the Republic!

 

He even looks pretty hot in that helmet of his. It’s kind of like a pair of shiny aviators where you can only see your reflection in so you’re never really sure if he’s looking at you, and since in my head when I’m a chick I have huge guns there are times I’m not even sure if he’s really looking at my face.

Special Mention 1: King Leonidas 

I had to put him on here because I saw 300 last Monday and it was the best fucking movie I’ve seen since Pan’s Labyrinth. I loved it, the guy is so bad ass, and he’s got abs. If I’ve learned anything from late night cable you need to have abs. Or call the Party Line.

 

Just watch the movie and you’llcompletely understand why he’s here. Anyone who can kill a bazillion dudes in a day would surely know how to treat a lady with respect!

10. Strongbad

Basically Strongbad is the epitome of the Albertan male, aside from not playing minor hockey and owning a truck. However he’s crass, he’s wrong about everything, and he always thinks he’s right! I know he enjoys “cold ones” a fair bit so if he really really really enjoyed them enough he could even be Ralph Klein.

 

He has stated his morals are up for sale and everything I wonder if the brothers Chaps used King Ralph as a basis for him? It doesn’t matter, because he’s so vile and surly that I love him.

9. The Jack guy from Big Trouble in Little China 

When I was a kid I fuicking loved this movie. Jack was played by Kurt Russel and I always thought he was the best actor ever because he was so cool in this movie. First off he drove a truck called “The Porkchop Express” and then he stabs an imortal Chginese guy in the head with a knife!

 

Have you ever done that? Yeah that’s what I thought. The best pat is even after he save the entire world from the clutches of the evil Lopan, he went back to drivin’ truck! That’s my kind of stud.

8. Johnny Fever 

The guy was a radio DJ with a cool moustache I don’t really need to go on do I?

7. Dig Dug

OK. There are few things in life more macho than digging a hole. But what if after you dug the whole you climbed down inside and not only hunted mosters, but you used an airpump which you shoved down their throats. Then pumped them up to the point the exploded! That’s right That’s what Dig Dug did!

 

Not only did he wear a really cool jumpsuit but he was also a concerned ecologist, cause those monsters he killed were trying to destroy the water table. That’s always been my assumption anyways. He’s the fore-runner of Captain Planet.

6. Soundwave

By far the coolest of the Transformers. The guy is a walkman so you know he has rythym and everytime I watch a shitty movie on BET the girls/stereotypes are always all about “brutha’s with rythum” I have no clue why, but it must be for some reason.

 

Plus he can’t speak english so I could always just ask confused when he tells me to do shit. I’d be all “Look asshole if you want me to do the laundry then you should tell me to do the laundry!”

 

Soundwave: “mmmm mmm uuuu mmmm uuuu mmmmmm”

 

Me: “Hey fuck you! All you ever do is go bowling and looking for energon cubes. Why don’t you go make something of yourself instead of taking orders from that asshole boss of yours Megatron!”

 

Soundwave: “mmmmmmmm uuuummmmmm mmmmmmm mmmmm mm uuuuuuu”

 

Me: “Whatever! The roof is leaking and you don’t even know your kids names! My mom was right about you mexicans! No initiative!”

5. Destro 

The right hand man of Cobra Comander and without a doubt the coolest guy on the whole fucking GI Joe cartoon. He wore a silver mask and kicke asses. Apparently he wore the mask due to a fmaily shame commited years ago in the middle ages and since then all the dudes in his family have worn masks. I think that’s pretty cool.

 

It gives him mystyque and since he’s probably loaded with baggage it’d be really easy to make him my man slave and get him to do all my bidding, like getting me a pony and stuff.

4. Darth Vader/ Anakin Skywalker

I know he had a good case for being number one on the list but he lost out for two reasons. As a woman I would need to get some ass every now and again and he’d be too busy out killing Jedi or looking for his son he had with that skank Amidala or whatever her name is. Plus he doesn’t have a dick anymore cause it was melted off in lava. Still I’m sure he could use the force to get me off or something.

 

Then there’s Anakin which bumped him down a few spots. Hayden Christensen (I can’t spell his name cause he is a fuck tard) was a horrible casting call by George “I ruin my movies” Lucas. I read that Ryan Philipe was the original choice but didn’t get along with Natalie Portman so he got the axe. Anyone who doubts Ryan Philipe rent The Way of the Gun. That guy can play a psycho with ease. He punches a chick in that movie.

 

That’s how I saw a young Anakin Skywalker acting, kind of a douchebag who always felt he was better than everyone. Not a whiny pussy who always shit his pants and complained about everything imagine him in a burger stand ordering a litre of cola.

 

“I’ll get a galactic burger, some proton fries and a litre of cola.”

“Just get a large Anakin.”

 

“I don’t want a large Anakin, I want a God damn litre of cola!”

3. V

Even if his wienber is probably burnt off to the point it looks like an outie belly button you couldn’t possibly wanna have this guy’s children. He’s so smart and always has the right thing to say. PLus his kids would be smart cause he’d make them read all the time and turn them into these bad ass awesome vigilantes.

 

And he can cook, that guy is all man!

2. Mayor McCheese

Politics and vaginas go together like France and surrendering. I have all kinds of friends that like Grimace and wanna bear his love child but I’ve always thought of Grimace as a deformed reatrded version of Barney the dinosaur. You know how in Twins Danny Devito is Arny’s idiot twin brother? That’s Grimace is to Barney. For Serious.

 

Mayor McCHeese is a freak in the sack and when blows his load it a big wad of McChicken sauce so you can’t get pregnant. But if him and his council members ever had a bukake party watch out, that’d be an easy way to gain a lot of weight.

1. Han Solo

Like you wouldn’t do him! He is the coolest man in history, he could even be an archeologist if he wanted, but he’s too busy flying through space and kicking asses. That’s what he does. Han Solo rules all including my vagina! I’d even let him shoot in my hair.

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Darn You to Heck, Elmo

It occured to me the other day, as I read an article about Sesame Street’s DVD release, that the way things were was just fine. That’s kind of an ambiguous state, so allow me to elaborate. Sesame Street was in no need of re-working. There was never any negative connotation brotught about by any of the characters, or situations presented in the show.

 It was, as every rapper said in the nineties, “all good”. The dioll-wads over at whatever comapany is releasing it to DVD sure don’t think so, as they “re-worked” the show. What that means is, when you watch “classic Sesame Street” you will actually be watching a prettied up version of the orginal.

 Gone is the cantakerous Oscar the Grouch and in comes the sacharine Elmo. I wanna state right off the top that I think Elso is the fucking Anti-christ. He embodies all of what is evil in the world today, aside from biological weapons of course.

 

I’m serious when I say that. Elmo needs to be crucified for the sins of every soul-less corporate hack that jilts the shit out of creative thinking and replaces it with white picket fences and SUV driving soccer moms that can’t be bothered to give the courtesy wave.

First off. Elmo doesn’t even speak fucking english. He speaks cutesy jibberish, which is probably responsible for children not even bothering to learn our language.

“Elmo love you.”

It’s “Elmo loveS you”. You fucking half wit!

I could go on, but I won’t. The fact is I can appreciate what those faceless idiots are doing when they try to pretty things up. They want kids to maintain their innocence until their adults. However time has always taught us that if you hide the truth from people it ends up biting you in the ass.

I’m not saying that showing a seven year old undisclosed video footage of combat in Afaganistan, but I am saying that showing a kid a ficticious puppet that lives in a garbage can won’t give them emotional baggage. What’s the worst that could happen? They ask you, “mommy why does he live in a trash can?”

 Then you say, “because he never ate his vegetables, so stay in school and eat your carrots or you’ll end up living in a trash can too.” I use that as an example cause that’s the answer my dad gave me, and guess what? I don’t live in a fucking trash can!

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